Thursday, February 28, 2008

A quick update

Yippee!! I went to the doctor today - first time I was up at the crack of dawn to be poked and prodded in a long time. I was told that my ovaries look good. I go next Tuesday morning for my Sonohysterogram. At that point I will be told when to start the estrogen and when to come in for my progesterone check.

If all goes well, I will start stimming in approximately 28 days!

Please keep your fingers crossed for us.

Monday, February 25, 2008

An exciting weekend!

Ever since we bought our new condo, I have wanted a new fridge. We currently have a side-by-side and I can't even fit a 10 in. ice cream cake in the freezer. This weekend we went out and bought one (a stainless steel, french door, freezer on the bottom, GE profile). But, instead of stopping there, we went and decided to replace all of our kitchen appliances. So, add to the fridge a new range (with 5 burners), an over the stove microwave (both GE) and a new dishwasher (whirlpool). Yes, all in stainless steel. I am most excited about the fridge b/c I may actually be able to put stuff in it .

So, now I just have to wait for the installer to call and hopefully we will have everything delivered and installed by next week.

Nothing new to post on the infertility front. Hopefully I will have some news in the next couple of days.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Bitter Betty?

Have I really become that bitter and jealous? I knew I was a jealous person, but I don't think I realized how much until today. I really get upset when someone announces they are pg. While I am happy for them that they are blessed, I can't help but feel sorry for myself. And, to make matters worse, I am always so sure that someone I know is pregnant and I get myself all in a tizzy worrying about it. My heart starts to race. When did I become like this?

I belong to a message board and almost every Friday there is another pregnancy announcement. Those break my heart a little bit more with each announcement. But when I see the ones that say that it was a surprise, I want nothing more than to throw my computer out the window. And then, to see these women complain about every little thing about being pregnant, I really want to go up to them and slap them upside the head and tell them to SHUT UP!! They have no idea what I wouldn't give to be able to complain about some of those things. Being able to carry a pregnancy to term and give birth is such a blessing.

And there is the "mom's club". People who feel that b/c I was never pregnant and gave birth that I would have no idea what they are experiencing, decide to leave me out of the conversation or not include me. Oh, and then there are the people that don't send me pictures of their children, don't invite me to their child's baptism, etc. b/c they are afraid it is going to hurt my feelings. Do they not realize that this hurts my feelings even more?

Like I said, when did I become such a bitter person?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

1 year, 9 months

Well, I got the approval from my insurance company last night for my next round of IVF (it was mailed to me by my doctor). I really wasn't expecting a problem with this, but it is always nice to know. On the request sheet though it said that we had been TTC for for 1 year and 9 months.

I knew we had been TTC for a while, but I stopped counting a long time ago. I know that we have been with my fertility clinic for 1 year, but this was almost like a slap in the face.

It is 1 year and 9 months of heartbreak, 1 year and 9 months of disappointment, 1 year and 9 months of watching everyone else get pregnant and you wondering "what is wrong with us", 1 year and 9 months of hearing "relax", "you can adopt", "it will happen", and the long list of other things people try to say to make you feel better when it only hurts more. 1 year and 9 months of trying not to seem obsessed trying to get pregnant when it is your every other thought.

I still can't believe that it has been 1 year and 9 months and we have nothing to show for it, except about 30 extra pounds thanks to IF medications, lots of tears and heartache.

The one good thing - I know that I am a stronger person for all that I have endured. I have also met an amazing group of women who unfortunately know the same heartache that I have experienced. I will never be able to thank those women enough for listening to me for at least 1 year and 2 months.

Friday, February 8, 2008

The Loooooong Road Ahead

I promised to write again after my dr. appointment, and here I am.

Things went better than I expected, but it is going to take longer than expected. After meeting with my doctor, they ran a couple of tests to update my records (since it's been a year since most these were done). Once AF shows up again, I have to go for my Day2/3 bw (bloodwork), and u/s (ultrasound) and schedule a Sonohysterogram (SHG) (basically they shoot saline solution you know where just to make sure everything is clear). Then I will start on estrogen pills. Once AF shows up again the next month, we can start the injections again.

So, if all goes well, then we will be on our way to our third IVF.

I am a little nervous, but I also have a good feeling about this cycle. I have changed my eating habits, I have started acupuncture (yes, I saw the article/news about acupuncture and infertility), I am taking additional vitamins, and I have even started eating some organic foods. I will do ANYTHING to make sure the next pregnancy sticks. If it doesn't work this time, then I will just have to accept those hateful words of "it's not meant to be" (more on this subject later).

I am happy that even though my life is still somewhat on hold, we are finally on our way again.