5 weeks

This picture is from his 1 month professional portraits. We used it as one of our birth announcement pictures.

I can't believe tonight is 5 weeks since I gave birth to my son. I feel like he has been here forever. I don't know how I lived my life without him.

He is doing great. At his 1 month check-up this morning, he is 9 lbs., 13 oz (that's up 2 pounds from his 2 week check-up) and 21 1/2 inches (that's up 1 inch from his 2 week check-up). he is starting to smile REAL smiles (not the gassy ones, even though they still melt my heart). And, he is just starting to coo. Also melts my heart. And, he knows my voice and Frank's voice. When he hears us he looks for us, especially when someone else is holding him. He is still gassy, so we are doing a test (as per the pediatrician's suggestion). We are going to give him formula for 24 hours and if he has no gas, then we know it is my breastmilk. If that's the case, then I will give him 1 or 2 bottles a day of breastmilk, and the rest of the day formula; and whatever breastmilk I pump will be frozen. I'm OK with this because I HATE seeing Steven be in pain because of gas.

All is all, Steven is a very good little boy and I hope his disposition doesn't change. Even when he's screaming crying I think he's adorable. But then again, I am his mother.

In Loving Memory

On Sunday, January 4, 2009 at about 10:58 p.m., my father passed away. On Friday, he took a turn for the worse. My mother, sister and myself were there with him when he took his last breath and his heart stopped beating. My father left this world in peace.

To say that I'm devatstated doesn't even begin to cover it. The following is a letter I wrote to him. I put a copy in the coffin with him and I also read it as my eulogy to him.

Dear Daddy:

There is so much I want to say, but don’t know where to start. You were the best father. You did so much for us and we have so many great memories of you. I only hope I can be half as good of a parent as you were.

You were always there for me in the middle of the night when I called out for you (for either a bad dream or an ache or pain). You were always there to help with homework. You always took us trick or treating. You helped us prepare our pom pom routine for Chicago. You even coached Pop Warner football when Allison and I started cheering. You taught me to drive – both hands on the wheel, you don’t need the radio, stop looking in the rear view mirror too much! You took us on so many vacations – family week really was a lot fun! These things don’t even skim the surface of all you have done.

Seeing the joy and excitement on your face at the Transplant Olympics makes the long drive out to Pittsburgh worth it.

You were my Hero Daddy. You struggled for so long and I never heard you complain. You just trudged through and continued to work through it. I am so sorry that your body couldn’t hold out. I know you are in a better place and will now be able to play golf every day and eat your frozen bread sandwiches whenever you want. I hope there is a purple chair for you to relax in at the end of your round of golf.

I am sad that Steven will never get to know you in-person, but we will make sure he knows all about you through our memories.

Thank you Daddy. Thank you for loving us the way you did.

My last week turned into my last day

Steven Bryce arrived on at 6:03 p.m. on Monday, December 15, 2008.

I had a doctor appointment that Monday morning - a non-stress test. When I got hooked up, the baby's heart rate was low, but it picked up and stayed up. When the doctor came in to check me, she didn't like the low rate and told me to go straight to the hospital. I was like, what, I'm having a baby today? she said yes. i asked if I could at least go home and get my bag (and the cord blood registry kit) and meet my husband there so we would only have 1 car at the hospital. No go. I was told to head to the hospital immediately. So, I called dispatch at Frank's job and was told that Frank was out on a call. I told to bring him back that it was time.

I was in complete shock and made a ton of calls on the way to the hospital. Frank meanwhile was able to run home, grab my bags and the cord blood registry kit. We were told it was going to be awhile since I ate breakfast and they didn't want to do the surgery until later in the day. When I got to the hospital, I got hooked up to the monitors. The baby's heart rate was fine, but an ultrasound showed a low amniotic fluid level. December 15 was most definitely the day. My mom and sister showed up around 2/3:00. It also turned out that the doctor that was supposed to do my c-section on Saturday was also there on Monday. Meant to be.

I got wheeled in around 5:30, given my spinal (not as bad as I thought) and at 6:03, Steven Bryce was brought into this world screaming with a full head of black hair, weighing 7 pounds and was 18.5 inches.

Recovery has been rough, but I am starting to feel like myself. Steven has been a joy and he is just beautiful. He scored a 9/9 on his Apgar and did well with his sugar levels (whew). I was able to kiss and touch him in the operating room, and finally got to hold him at about 5:00 in the morning on December 16. It has been hard to put him down since. He never took to breastfeeding, but I am pumping, so he is still getting the breastmilk.

I never knew a love like this existed. And then I met Steven.

We were discharged from the hospital on December 19. We brought Steven home in a snow/sleet storm. thankfully the roads weren't bad and we got home in one piece. I can't believe it was 1 week ago today that we came home.

Frank has been GREAT. I couldn't have survived without him. Frank does everything (and he's better at lots of things than I am).

But, with great joy, comes great sorrow. The day we came home from the hospital, my dad was put on a ventilator. I can't even begin to go into the emotions I'm feeling right now about this, b/c it just devastates me. Every day brings something new. today we were told that he is starting to make an improvment, although it is very slight. all I know is that I haven't seen him and am told that it is best that I don't see him right now.

I do have some peace knowing that he was told that he has a new grandson and he was able to see a couple of pictures of Steven.

For now I am trying to concentrate on getting myself better and raising my son.

My Last Week

Well, we are down to my last week of pregnancy. In just 6 days I will be going in for a c-section (unless the Peanut has flipped, in which case, we will be induced).

I can't believe after everything we have been through, in less than one week, we are going to be known as Mommy and Daddy. It is truly overwhelming.

These past couple of weeks have been really hard. **WARNING - LOTS OF WHINING HERE*** I am so uncomfortable and swollen. My hands are killing me. I can't even make a fist. The only comfortable shoes on my feet are slippers and Uggs. My sugar levels have also been all over the place. The good news is that my insulin has been lessened. A good clue that maybe this is just gestational diabetes. I also have constant Braxton Hicks. They are too the point where I start timing them, only for them to taper off after a couple of hours. I get disappointed when that happens. As of last Monday, I was also closed and high up, which basically means, that I won't be going into Labor any earlier than next Saturday.

The other thing going on in my life is that my dad is back on the hospital. I am going to touch upon this briefly b/c I break down everytime I think about it. They don't know exactly what is wrong with him. It has been mentioned by a nurse and a resident that it is Interstitial Lung Disease, which when you look it up, means nothing good. Basically, there is no cure, and is progressive, but it is treatable. Of course, at this point, my dad isn't getting better. He also will not be at the hospital when I give birth, and we have no idea when he will meet his new grandson. To say that I am beside myself about this is an understatement. I have only been to the hospital once (my doctors told me to go more for peace of mind than anything else). I wore a surgical mask and didn't touch anything. I also purelled after touching the buttons for the elevator. I am not allowed back to the hospital b/c of all the diseases around there (my dad is in the Medical ICU ward). this is also hard. I also feel bad for my mom b/c she feels guilty when she isn't at the hospital, and she keeps promising me she will be there (and here) when the baby is born. Frank and I are still deciding if we should get a baby nurse to help us instead. but, we will wait to make that decision after we get home from the hospital (my mom will mostly help us out the 1st day or 2 and my sister will go to the hospital to see my dad).

I am also thinking back about everything we went through. I will NEVER forget the pain and heartache we went through. All the needles, appointments, ups and downs. With these memories also comes the realization that there are some girls in my support group who are still going through this. They are never far from my mind and I hope that they get their miracle one day soon.

Never in a million years did I ever think I would be able to get pregnant. I always hoped (which is why we went through infertility treatments), but to have it become a reality is something else. I feel so privileged that I was able to experience this miracle. The one thing I will miss the most is the feeling of my son growing inside of me. Even now, he is always moving. It is a bond that can never be replaced.

I don't know if I will post again before the baby arrives, so I want to thank everyone for going on my journey with me. I will post again after I get home, and will hopefully continue to post regarding my experiences as a mom.

last day of work

Well, here I am at 36 weeks, 4 days pregnant and today is my last day of work for maternity leave.

I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I've made it this far. Everything thinks I'm going to be so bored at home. Ha! I've never known anything but work. The most I've taken off is a couple of days between jobs. Next week I have appointments up the wazoo - 3 dr. appointments, my mommy mani/pedi and my mommy hair appointment. I hope I make it through the week.

As of last week, Peanut was measuring at about 5 pounds, 8 oz. As of yesterday, he once again passed the biophysicial, had a strong heartbeat and is as cute as can be. I was also checked b/c I have been having lots of cramps, and I am closed and high up. Good news so I can get through the weekend - having my girls night Holiday Dinner and then Hanukkah with the family (since I will be in the hospital for Hanukkah this year).

Peanut is still breech (he wants to come out butt first), so our c-section is scheduled for Saturday December 20.

I can't believe in 2 weeks from tomorrow I will be known as Mommy. I have waited my entire life for that moment and I am going to cherish it.

More to update

In non-pregnancy news: On Tuesday, November 11, my brother-in-law gave the most selfless gift - he donated a kidney to his father. As of today, my brother-in-law is supposed to come home. He is still in some pain, but doing well. His father is thriving. He was walking yesterday and the kidney is producing urine.

Lots of prayers for the "P" family that the kidney continues to thrive.

I'm a bad blogger

There has been much going on, and I haven't been updating.

I celebrated my 38th birthday on November 9. It's funny, but this felt so insignificant compared to the huge change that is going to happen in my life.

Peanut is doing well. As of today I am 33 weeks, 3 days. I have had 2 biophysical ultrasound and Peanut scored an 8 out of an 8 both times. Last week there was also a growth ultrasound and he measured at 4 lbs, 10 oz., which is perfect (according to the doctors). My amniotic fluid dropped a little bit, but they aren't overly concerned about it, but will keep an eye on it.

The nursery is coming together. The walls are painted, the shades are hung (so is the valance). The crib is put together, we have the bassinet, which we need to set up, and tons of baby stuff. All that is missing is the changing table and the glider. Once we get the changing table, and I go through everything and set up the nursery.

Due to the GD, I am going to have the baby at 39 weeks (unless he decides to make an earlier entrance). At the last 2 ultrasounds, Peanut was breech, which means, no early entrance. I know there is time for him to flip, but if he doesn't, then I'm OK with a c-section.

Frank and I have completed all of our classes: Lamaze/childbirth, baby care, breastfeeding and the maternity tour. We are now basically good to go.

As of now, I am planning on my last day of work to be December 5, which is 3 weeks from tomorrow. That is so weird. It is still so hard to believe that the time is almost here.

Someone posted on a message board that I frequest that as someone who went through infertility, we went through so much to get pregnant. Well, we accomplished that goal. For the next 9 months our identity changed into a pregnany lady and that's how I've lived my life. Now, in a couple of weeks, my identity will change again forever. In a couple of weeks, I will be known as Mommy. After everything I have been through, I am looking forward to becoming this new person, even though it is still hard to believe.

Moving Right Along. . .

Wow, so much has been happening.

On Sunday, October 26, was my shower. I knew the date, but didn't know where or anything else. It was as wonderful and beautiful as I thought it would be. My sister and mom did a FANTASTIC job. I had a great time and Peanut got a lot of great presents. And, of course, I cried numerous times throughout the day. My dad's Donor Family came, which was a nice surprise, and also very touching. I will never forget that day, even though it did go by in a blur.

I thought my sugar levels evened out, but they are now all over the place. I bottomed out last weekend (both Saturday night and Sunday night, or should I say in the middle of the night). The first time I was so scared. Thankfully Frank was there with a steady hand (being an EMT helps) and helped me out. The second night I didn't wake him and I was able to bring my levels up alone. But since the, they've been all over the place.

I have had 2 non-stress tests so far Peanut is all over the place. He is definitely a mover and shaker. Next week I start my twice-a-week appointments - a non-stress test one day and a growth/biophysical ultrsound on another day. I'm excited for the u/s b/c I get to see Peanut again, and hopefully we will get an update as to when we can expect his arrival. I was already told that I would be having Peanut before his due date. We just don't know how early.

Other than sciatic pain, pressure, braxton hicks, and being tired all the time, I feel great! LOL

Pregnancy is nothing like I thought it would be, but I would not trade this experience for ANYTHING. I feel very blessed that I get to experience this miracle.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

At seven pm local time, across every time zone, all are invited to join in lighting a candle in remembrance and honour of little ones loved and missed.

This blog entry today is dedicated to my lost babies (and embryos). Your daddy and I will never forget you and we will never forget the pain of losing you.

I have Gestational Diabetes

So, I never even made it to my 3 hour test. I took the 1 hour glucose test on Friday morning. I expected to fail (most women I know failed their 1 hour). but, I wasn't expecting to be told that i was being admitted to the hospital. I got a call at about 8:50 Monday morning telling me that I not only failed the 1 hour, but I was being admitted. The doctors' office cut off for passing is 135. My blood sugar came in at 343. No, that is not a typo. I have full blown GD.

I went to the hospital as a direct admit. Once I got settled in my room, they took my blood, I had an u/s, was put on fetal heartrate monitor and was finally given something to eat. I was told that my blood sugar was now going to be tested 2 hours after every main meal (b-fast, lunch and dinner) and first thing in the a.m. (before eating). I was also told that I was going to learn how to do this myself.

The good news is that the baby looked great and had a nice strong heartbeat. Also, all of my blood levels/electrolytes came back great. their only concern was my blood sugar. The doctors think that I could have had diabetes before I got pregnant and the pregnancy just made it all worse. We won't know for sure until about 6-8 weeks after the baby is born and we will test me again.

I was released from the hospital last night (after a 2 day, 1 night stay). Just before i was discharged, i was told that I was being put directly on insulin (apparently my sugar was so high that even pills and diet won't work). so, I give myself injections every morning, before dinner and before bed. At least I have experience in preparing the needles and giving myself injections! Oh joy! i am also on a 2200 calorie diabetic diet which is A LOT of food. In fact, by the end of the day, I am so full it is hard to get all the food down.

I am in shock b/c I was feeling great. The only "sign" that i was aware of that something might be wrong is that for the past couple of weeks I have been REALLY thirsty. Like I can't drink enough. My main concern now is doing what I have to do for Peanut. I know that the baby is only as good as I am since I am his main provider, but I will worry about me after the baby is born. My main concern right now is keeping Peanut safe. Starting at 32 weeks i will be seeing my doctor 2 times per week for close monitoring. 1 day will be on a monitor to check his heart rate and to check that I'm not having contractions. the other day is for an u/s to make sure he isn't too big (which is a complication of GD).

I am going to be strong to do this. I did have a minor meltdown in the hospital b/c a part of me thinks it's my fault. I was overweight to begin with and a part of me feels that I put my baby in danger. What the doctor tried to tell me was that even the thinnest of women can end up with GD. It is just a "side-effect" of pregnancy in some women. she told me not to be hard on myself and to know that I'm now doing everything i can for my baby.

I will get used to the shots and testing my blood. but, the thing that scares me the most is the diet. I'm still allowed carbs, but now I have to watch for and account for EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth. I didn't become overweight by doing this. It is going to be an effort for me to eat right. i know what I have to do, but I am scared to do it.

On a positive note: yesterday morning my fasting (first test in the a.m.) blood sugar came in at 190. this morning, after 2 doses of insulin, it was 157. I pray that things continue to get better.

Moving Along

Things are moving along in Preggy-ville. I'm getting bigger and bigger (didn't think it was possible). I now can't see my feet if I stand up straight and if I look straight down all I see is a big 'ole beach ball.

But, Peanut is moving and kicking all the time and I still giggle about it. Frank can now feel most of the kicks, which I'm happy about and so is he.

We have chosen a name, but we aren't sharing it just yet. We couldn't decide between 2 names for a first name and knew what initial we wanted for a 2nd time. Well, I had been saying both names when talking about the baby to see what it was like to call him by his name. Frank and I were out to dinner last weekend and he said one of the names. I said, I guess that Peanut's name and he said I think so. The next morning we decided on his middle name. I will reveal Peanut's name in due time.

This past weekend we picked up the paint for the nursery. My mom will paint the nursery and my sister will paint the border. I can't wait! It is going to look so pretty. We also bought our digital camcorder this weekend. We went with a Sony Handycam. I am very happy with our decision. I can't wait to start practicing using it!

Other than that, I had to go to the doctor last Friday b/c I had some cramping. I was monitored and checked out and everything looks great. The doctor is pleased with how everything looked. When on the monitor, either Peanut was playing with me or he was not happy about having his space invaded (I had to press down on the heart monitor) b/c he kicked the ENTIRE time I was hooked up. It was everything I could do not to bust out laughing. I also gained 6 pounds, which upset me, but the doctor didn't seem concerned. This Friday I go for my 1 hour glucose test.

I can't believe that I am 26 weeks 1 day pregnant. I am almost in my 3rd trimester! And, my shower is in 1 month. Woo Hoo!!

24 weeks

I can't believe I am 24 weeks already. It still boggles my mind.

I'm feeling pretty good - or as well as can be expected. I also feel huge and can't imagine getting any bigger.

I had a great dr. appointment 2 weeks ago. I lost a pound, the baby looks greats and my cervix is still growing nicely. I still have the previa, but the doctors don't seem concerned about that. My mom went to the dr. with me since she was away for the Level II, so she got to see Peanut on the ultrasound. She was so excited and I was so happy to have her there.

We are starting to get the nursery ready. My sister picked out colors (she is SO much better at that than I am, and it was nice to involve her). So, once we pick up the paint, my mom will paint the room and my sister will paint the border. Frank and I just have to finish clearing stuff out of the closet.

In other exciting news - Frank felt the baby move for the 1st time last night. Peanut was having a party and I was able to feel him on the outside, and my stomach even moved, so I knew Frank would be able to feel it. At first Frank thought it was gas (thanks Dear!), but then he felt a kick. He said it wasn't what he was expecting and it felt weird. I told him he should imagine it from my end!

Other than that, just waiting for my next appointment where I get to do the glucose test (fun!).

Level II Ultrasound Update

Yesterday was the Level II ultrasound. I feel bad for any parent that has never been able to experience this. It was AMAZING!! We were able to see just about everything on our little Peanut. We saw parts of his brain, we saw his kidneys, his diaphram, we saw all 4 chambers of his heart. We saw his bones, his spine, his little nose and his little lips. We saw him sucking his thumb AND we saw the goods. No being shy at this appointment! woo hoo!! We saw the amniotic fluid in his stomach and in his bladder. Very cool!

Everything measures right on schedule. He also weighs approximately 12 oz. He is also a VERY active little boy. He is gorgeous if I must say so myself. LOL

I don't think I could ever get tired of watching him on the ultrasound. After all was said and done, I turned to Frank and said: I can't wait to kiss his toes and kiss his nose, to kiss his lips and his fingertips.

Also, the doctor is pleased with how I'm growing. The placenta previa is just about cleared up and my cervix is a good measurement. If things continue the way they are, he thinks I could possibly have a natural delivery. But, this could change at any moment. I'm OK with either way, as long as my baby is healthy.

My next appointment is in a couple of weeks. From this point on, until I get closer anyway, I will be going every 2 weeks - which is also fine with me. I would rather be monitored too closely than not.

Frank and I have already chosen a day care (we just need to reserve a spot). Next on our list is choosing a pediatrician, deciding on who to use for cord blood donation, and registering. In fact, I am going to start registering today. My sister offered to go with me and I am taking her up on it. Frank and I will go to choose the bedding and today, but my sister and I will do the bulk of it together. I am SO excited about that!

As for me - I'm getting a lot bigger, and feeling pretty good (considering I'm pregnant in the summer).

Things My Husband Doesn't Understand

There are things that my husband just can't understand about me being pregnant (heck, I don't understand it all either). But, I thought this list would give someone a chuckle.

1. My bigger boobies have a purpose and are not for playing. My boobs are getting HUGE! Well, huge for me anyway. And yes, they are a novelty. But, what my husband doesn't understand is why he can't play with them. Because they hurt! They are still store (some days are worse than others). My nipples are so sore that it even hurts to wear a bra. Of course, I'm probably not a help b/c there are days that I will walk up to him, lift up my shirt and say, did these get even bigger? Feel how heavy they are?

2. Why on some days even his breathing annoys me. He can't understand that my hormones are so completely out of control. Even if my "problem" is not logical, I still get upset/annoyed/etc. over it. There are days that I just want to go to sleep alone and he can't understand that his breathing in bed next to me when I'm trying to sleep drives me crazy.

3. How a person can have so much gas in them. I don't get it either. But, let's just say, that I could probably fuel a car across the country I have so much gas. He also doesn't understand why it is OK for me to expel it and not for him. My response - see #2 above.

4. How I just do have any desire to eat, especially my favorite foods. I don't understand this one either, but for me, it just is. He knows I USED to love chicken. But now, I can't eat it. It isn't like I gag from it, I just have no desire to eat it. I feel so full and bloated, that I don't have any desire to eat more than ice cream some days. Yet, he still feels the need to want to cook chicken for dinner.

There are just a couple of things that I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure there are more. If you have any to add, just let me know!

Catching up

It has been a couple of weeks since my last entry, so I thought I would catch up in what's been going on.

Last week I had a trip (and an overnight stay) at the hospital. I hadn't been feeling great (it was very hot and humid here). By the 2nd day of feeling lousy, and having some pain in my abdomen, I went to the dr. They monitored me (no contractions, found hb right away) and then decided to send me to the hospital for some tests. Why the hospital? This way the results would be in a lot faster than if the same tests were done at the dr.'s office.

Off to the hospital I went. They hooked me up to a monitor again and did an ultrasound. Got to see Peanut - he waved at me and gave me a nice swift kick! They also drew some blood and then I waited. And waited. And waited. Finally my dr. came in and said that everything looked great. All of my test results looked good. BUT, they were keeping me overnight for observation. They wanted to make sure that it wasn't appendicitis. So, after a sleepless night in the hospital in the high risk unit of the maternity ward (sleeplessness was b/c people kept coming into the room for my roommate or b/c my IV alarm kept going off), I was feeling much better the next morning (except for lack of food and sleep), I was freed. We have no idea what caused me to feel the way I did (dehydration, virus, just being pregant?), I am feeling better.

This week Frank and I went looking at day care centers. We saw the 3 that are closest to us and think we made a decision. For now, this place will work for us. As our child gets older and our needs change, we might need to re-evaluate, but we both like our first decision (I asked for his opinion before I stated mine). We can't agree on a 2nd choice, but at least we like our 1st choice.

And, I'm starting to go through the Baby Bargains book and coming up with a list on what to register for. This is so completely overwhelming. I thought it was tough when registering for my wedding. This is nuts! Thankfully I have my sister, great friends and a wonderful message board of women who can help me with what to choose.

Next on our list is our big Level II ultrasound. I'm both excited and nervous about this. That is in 2 weeks. After that, we can register and start interview pediatricians.

As of the time of this post, I am 18 weeks and 3 days pregnant. NUTS!!

As for how I'm feeling - I get a lot of small headaches and I'm constantly tired. There is still some nausea, but nothing horrible. I do feel bloated and full all the time, so eating is still a challenge. And, every once in a while my feet start to swell. But, considering I'm pregnant, I feel pretty good!

Had an U/S yesterday . . . .

And, it looks like we are TEAM BLUE!! We are having a boy.

Well, we think we are.

The baby's heartbeat measured at 174 (nice and strong) and we have a VERY active baby in there. The u/s tech had a hard time even getting the h/b because Peanut was swimming all over the place. And then she moved the wand down and Peanut's legs were crossed at the ankles and his foot was covering the goods. After a couple of minutes, the tech said, It's a Boy and pointed it out.

When I look at the u/s picture, it almost looks like it is the umbilical cord. But, I've had dreams of blue, felt like it was boy, and did 3 of the Chinese Gender Predictors and all 3 came out boy, so I'm going with it. Our BIG Level II u/s is in mid-August, so I'm hoping all will be confirmed then.

No matter what the gender is, I really just want a healthy baby. Now it is time to pick names. We had a girls name all picked out, but we can't decide on a boy's name. Frank has a name, but I'm not thrilled with it. This is fine with me. Half of the fun is choosing a name.

I still have the Placenta Previa, but the doctors don't seem too concerned yet. I also gained 4 pounds which they are happy about (I had only gained 1 up until this point). I also don't think it was a complete 4 - both of my other weigh-ins were earlier in the day, so I had a couple of meals in me by now, plus snacks, plus lots of water. So, I'm guessing I only gained like 2 or 3 pounds in the past month. that's my theory and I'm sticking to it!

I'm feeling pretty good. I haven't had any spotting in about 2-3 weeks (knock on wood). It has been hot and humid, and I can't tolerate it like I used to. My only other complaint is that i am getting a lot of headaches. But, I was told that this is to be expected. I am growing and look further along than I am and that doesn't bother me in the least. I LOVE showing off my baby bump. It took me a long time to get here and I want the whole world to know!

US Transplant Games

This past weekend my family and I went to the US Transplant Games in Pittsburgh, PA. My father received the gift of life with a new kidney almost 5 years ago. This is the 1st year he participated in the Games. There were approximately 1500 althletes, all of whom received some kind of organ transplant. There were also some living donors there, as well as donor families. Then there were the the "spectors" - the families of the althelets and organ donors. There were easily a couple of thousand people at the Games.

I knew it was going to be an emotional weekend, but I did not expect to feel the way I did. Every athlete there was a winner. Some were given not just a second chance at life, but a third and fourth chance too. There was a woman who received 2 double lung transplants, and another girl who received 2 heart transplants, suffered 3 strokes and had to teach herself to read and write a couple of times in her life - and she wasn't even 18 yet. Both of these women even medalled at the games - swimming, running, etc. Then there were the donor families. Their stories made me tear up each time. These are the families that lost a loved one and in their time of sorrow gave the greatest gift of all.

My father hadn't been involved with anything regarding his transplant, except to contact the donor family. We met them once and they even came to my wedding (they are family now after all). But to see my father in his element was truly special. He was so excited to get to Pittsburgh that he was like Mario Andretti on the PA Turnpike. What a change in my father from 5 years ago. I am very proud of my father and was very excited for him this weekend.

The US Games are held every 2 years. Every "odd" year they are held worldwide. So, in 2009 - the Games will be held in Australia and in 2010 they will be held in Madison, WI. We are all planning on going again in 2010 and I can't wait.

A Love/Hate Relationship

I have come to the conclusion that pregnancy is like a love/hate relationship. There are things I love about being pregnant, and things I hate about it.

Things I love about pregnancy:

1. the fact that there is a human being growing inside of me. It boggles my mind. It is hard to grasp the miracle that pregnancy is. I feel so lucky that I get to experience this. A part of me feels bad for Frank b/c I get this experience and he gets to watch it.

2. my taste buds are enhanced. Good food tastes even better to me. So far fruit is the thing I crave the most. I live that it is cold and refreshing.

3. getting bigger. I am already showing and I love it. Maybe b/c I waited so long to get pregnant that I want the whole world to know. And maternity clothes are VERY comfortable.

4. bigger boobs. I was never "tiny" but I love the fullness of them. So does Frank, but that's for an x-rated blog. :-)

5. morning sickness. OK, so I don't LOVE it, but to me it says things are working.

6. the hopes and dreams for my child. I love thinking about names, who he/she will look like, if it is a he or she. It is all still amazing to me.

Things I hate about pregnancy:

1. Increased sense of smell. Even before pregnancy, I had a freakish sense of smell. Now it is worse.

2. constipation. Need I say more. Bran muffins and colace aren't working. Next on the list - prune juice (anyone have any other suggestions?)

3. waking up in the middle of the night. If one more person says to get my sleep now b/c I won't have it later, I'll deck them. I understand that the baby doesn't sleep, and I am trying to get my sleep now. But waking up the middle of the night to pee and then NOT being able to fall right back to sleep does not make me happy.

4. not being able to take anything for a cold. Colds are hard enough as it is, but to have to suffer through a cold just plain ole stinks!

5. the constant worry. I don't know if it b/c of my history (previous m/c) or if I'm just a worry-wart. The part I hate the most about pregnancy is that I'm always worrying something will happen to my baby. I'm afraid that everything I do or eat is harming my child. The fact that I'm spotting every couple of days (still brown) makes me more nervous. I know I was told that it is common and the reason for it, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I just want to know that my child is OK and healthy.

Being pregnant has taught me to slow down. I used to go, go, go all the time, and now I spend most of my time off my feet. I know a lot of this recently is b/c of the spotting. And, no exercise for me either - doctor's orders. I really wish I were given permission to at least go walking, but I know that staying off my feet as much as possible is good for the baby. I will do ANYTHING for this baby.

Please don't misconstrue my complaints as actual complaints. Like I said before, I am so lucky to be pregnant. After 2 years of trying and 2 years of disappointments, it really is a miracle. Infertility changed my live forever and I will never forget going through that.

NT Scan

I am 12 weeks, 2 days today. I also had my NT scan. This is one of the pictures from today. See Peanut waving to us? It was an experience I don't ever want to forget. We saw the baby kicking me, hiccup, waving to us, and just being a complete wiggle worm. We also heard the heartbeat for the first time. I wish I had a camera b/c Frank's face when we heard the heartbeat was priceless. I have never seen his face light up so much. It was so touching.

I was a little nervous b/c I had another scare last week (I've been slacking on updating my blog). Last Friday I had dark brown stuff on the toilet paper. It almost looked like tissue. We went back to the doctor ASAP that morning and had another u/s. Baby looked great. We were told that my placenta is growing and that it was covering the opening of my cervix. the doctor hoped that this would clear up on its own, hopefully by my 14th week, but this could go on until my 20th week. As long as everything stays brown, they aren't too concerned. I was told that this is pretty common. Thankfully, the spotting as stopped again (for now). I hope it stays this way.

So far the results we have gotten from the NT Scan are good - we were told the measurements are within the normal range, but we won't have answers until the blood test comes in. Also, I was told by my doctor that there is a 2nd part to the test, and that will be done at 16 weeks. So, I go back to the doctor in another couple of weeks for an u/s (they will do the 2nd part of the NT Scan, as well as measure the lining of my cervix) and then I will have another check-up.

Today was truly another miracle - I am still in awe. i can't stop kissing my pictures from today. I am already so in love with this baby!

A small scare

I had my first real scare this past weekend. thankfully, all ended well.

On Friday afternoon, I started having cramps. I wasn't too nervous about them b/c I have been having cramps off and on all along (I've been told they are normal). But, when I came home from work on Friday, there was a brown discharge. I called my dr. IMMEDIATELY. She told me that it was most likely nothing, but it could also be the start of a m/c. Not the words I wanted to hear, but it could be a reality. she also told me to stay off my feet and that if I started bleeding heavy, to call back and meet her at the ER. If not, come in on Monday for an emergency u/s. I cancelled my dinner plans for Friday night and my BBQ plans for Saturday. In the grand scheme of things, this is probably for the best b/c it was in the upper 90's since Saturday (with the heat index it was over 100). Way to hot for anyone, let alone a pregnant lady!

Poor Frank - he had to teach a class on Friday and couldn't be here with me. I understand and didn't even think of him cancelling (unless the bleeding got worse). My parents came to my rescue. I almost wasn't going to call my mom b/c I didn't want to worry her, but I'm glad I did. She immediately said that she was coming over to stay with me until Frank came home.

The rest of the weekend there was still some minor cramping (not as bad as on Friday), and the spotting was slowing down. I spent the rest of the weekend in bed or on the couch. I didn't even get up to water my plants (Frank did that for me).

I went to the doctor yesterday for my u/s. To say I was nervous is an understatement. Thankfully, all was good. The hb was at 174, and Peanut measured at exactly 11 weeks. The new picture of Peanut was AMAZING - you can see the tiny little nubs of arms/hands and legs/feet. So cute if I must say so. :-)

My blood pressure was elevated, but after a few minutes, it went back to normal (I chalk it up to nerves). The scale was also 4 pounds less than it was 2 weeks ago (I'm happy with that). My doctor didn't seem concerned about the blood pressure, or the weight loss. She told me that I can't do any form of exercise for another couple of weeks, and I can come off the prometrium until my next appointment, which is next week.

Whew - what a weekend!!